Answered Prayer

A woman who is having health problems, prays to God for healing. Within a few days her symptoms begin to improve and she begins feeling better. When she recovers and returns to good health, she says, “God has answered my prayer.”

A married couple is facing some financial difficulties and are struggling to pay their bills. A big reason is that the husband has been unemployed and the wife’s part-time job is not enough. They pray for work and better income so they can pay the bills. When the husband lands a job that has a sufficient income, the couple responds, “Our prayers to God have been answered.”

A family goes on vacation for the holidays. It is winter and there is an accumulation of snow and ice from winter storms. They pray for God to give them safe travels. When they return home safely, they proclaim, “God answered our prayers.”

A young married couple, trying to start a family, prays to God for a child. They pray that God would allow them to have a healthy baby to love and raise to begin their family together. After their healthy baby is born, they excitedly tell friends and family, “This baby is the answer to our prayers.”

If you have been involved in a church for very long, it is almost a certainty that you have heard stories similar to these. You can probably put names and faces to some of them and retell the specifics of each. There is probably a good chance you can insert yourself into a similar situation saying the same thing. But you can probably put names and faces to similar stories with different endings - stories where the woman did not get well, where finances got worse, where a family did not make it home from vacation okay, and where a married couple was not able to have their own children or lost a child that they had. How many times have you heard those stories attached to “God has answered our prayers?”

So here is a question to ponder…

Does God sometimes choose to ignore our prayers?

For anyone with faith, that might seem like a rhetorical question. God always answers our prayers, we even have clichés that we can recite that remind us that God always answers prayers. 

So here is another question…

Why do we only say that God answered our prayers when we get what we want?

Ya…

That one is not so easy. I don’t have a trite saying for that one, at least not a saying that feels good.

As nice and “spiritual” as it sounds to say “God answered my prayers,” our selective use of the phrase is disingenuous. In our “Christianese” we have made “God answered my prayer” synonymous with “I got what I wanted.” When we don’t get what we want, we are silent. We don’t stand in front of the church and say, “God answered my prayer - he said ‘no’.” 

So it seems like there is a disconnect. On the one hand we claim that God answers all prayers, but on the other hand we only acknowledge “yes” as an answer. Does he answer all of our prayers or doesn’t he?

In each of the four scenarios above, despite the best intentions of each person, they have ultimately said, “God gave me what I asked for.” Reducing answered prayer to simply getting what we want is fraught with problems that never seem to be addressed. Instead we mindlessly repeat the same phrase without ever thinking about the implications. Maybe we would do well to think about it more.

I have always contended that our language matters. What we say and how we say it, has implications. In the case of Christendom, we have allowed a wealth of “Christian” words and phrases to infiltrate our language and have embraced them and passed them on as “spiritual,” whether explicitly or implicitly, despite their theological flaws and misleading implications. You can call me picky if you want, but I believe the way we talk is both a reflection of how we act and a projection of how we are expected to act in the future. For instance, if I hear older, more mature Christians constantly talking about “answered prayer” in the context of the stories sited at the beginning, then I will start to mimic that language in the same contexts. The language tells me, in part, what the expectation is and I try to act in a way that reflects the language.

In this case, it has some negative implications. If I am a young Christian (or an immature Christian), and I only hear other Christians talk about “answered prayer” in terms of “yes” answers, then I start to think that answered prayer is all about getting a “yes.” If I don’t get a “yes” answer, what should I believe? Explicitly, people might tell me that God always answers every prayer, and even that sometimes God says, "no," but all the evidence of what happens in the Christian world tells me otherwise. The overwhelming evidence says that the only real answer to prayer involves getting what I asked for. No one ever seems to talk about God answering their prayer by telling them “no”, so “no” must not really be an answer.

So what am I to think if it seems like I never get a "yes" answer from God? Is God ignoring me? Am I not "righteous" enough to get a "yes" answer? Am I not praying hard enough or good enough? What is wrong with me and why doesn't God listen to me? 

Do you see the problem?

But, the problem, I believe, is bigger than this. It is not just an issue for the immature believer, it is also a problem for those who should be mature. Our own language influences what we believe. It influences how we act. It influences how we pray. Instead of looking for God's answer to our prayer, we only look for our answer to our prayer. We ignore "no" and only look for "yes." 

In our single-minded, tunnel vision prayer life, is it possible that we often miss God's better answers to our prayers, because we are only looking for God to grant our request? Is it possible that we are missing God's better answers, because his answers seem less appealing than the answers we want?

Anyone who has spent anytime at all with me, lately, knows that my job has caused me a great deal of frustration over the past few years. To say I hate my job is probably a bit extreme, but it is no exaggeration to say that I often, desperately, long for another job. I have prayed, and I know others have prayed, that God would lead me into something different - that he would provide a different work where my talents and skills could be put to (what I believe to be) a better use. I even thought, several months ago, that I might have found that job, but despite my pleas to God, my application was essentially ignored. So, here I am, starting the school year, again, in the same place I have prayed to escape.

Has God been ignoring me? 

When things started looking bad at work a few years ago, I began to pray for escape; for rescue. All I wanted was a way out of a place where I was feeling incompetent, to do something where I felt useful and appreciated. So, that is what I prayed for, and it is what I continue to pray for. 

But a funny thing has happened with each passing year... my prayers have changed. I've never truly believed that I was being ignored by God (although I have expressed those feelings to him more than once), I merely accepted that his answer was and is "no," at least for now. As much as I don't like the answer, it has caused me to change my prayers. I am still asking for escape, but I have also started asking for endurance, for patience, for perseverance, for grace, for forgiveness and the ability to forgive others, for humility, and to do all things better where I am, for God's glory. I didn't start with those kinds of prayers, it took me awhile to get there. 

I would be lying if I said I was happy that God has said "no" to me, but I have also come to understand that his answer is better than mine - they are always better than mine. If God would have said yes, I would have been happy, but I also would have missed out on some better things. God has listened to my prayers - my laments, my grumbling, my requests, my thanks, my praises, and even more complaining - and God has responded. My requests have been repeatedly answered with a "no," but I haven't been ignored. I have been prompted by him to ask for better things (I'm still resistant, but I am learning), and he has graciously, and patiently, listened to my whining and complaining, while reminding me of his grace and mercy. 

Sometimes it is hard to sort out the better answers, when God says "no" to our requests, but we should never mistake that for being ignored by God. I suspect that often we can't see the better answers, simply because we aren't looking. Sometimes we miss them because we can't let go of the answer that we want. Of course, there is also the possibility that it is simply not for us to know, at least not now, and part of accepting God's "no" answer is also accepting that he is not obligated to tell us anymore than that. His ways are always better than ours, whether we understand them or not. In that respect, maybe we should hope for "no" answers more often. I think we certainly should celebrate them more than we do, maybe even more than the "yes" answers.