Time for Change

Today I made it official…

After 31 years it is time to step away from teaching in a traditional classroom and move on to something different. It feels a little surreal. There is a strange combination of feelings, both grief and relief. It feels like I can breath deep again, but at the same time major changes have a way of taking our breath away. The full impact of my decision, I’m sure, will hit me at some point down the road, but, honestly the change is long overdue.

For the past several years I have been working, sometimes merely existing, in a system of education that I no longer believe in. I have struggled to find ways to cope, but in the end trying to “fake it” in a system at odds with what I believe to be true, was incredibly unhealthy. It had been unhealthy for years. I never found a way to reconcile the internal conflict and it was taking a toll on me. Worse, I became a less effective teacher and I could not find a way to recover. Despite the encouragement of others, I could see the slide in myself. I could feel it and it wasn’t getting better. My ways were not the ways of the system and I simply could not buy into the system.

I have spent the last several years trying to adjust, trying to find a way to adapt to the system, but ultimately  I failed to do it well. Each adjustment felt like a step further away from who I was as a teacher, a step further away from what I believed to be my best way of being. I was the square peg being forced through a round hole and it caused both internal and external conflict that proved to be increasingly detrimental. More and more I found myself withdrawing, trying to escape the inevitable battles that I knew I would never win. That is not a good place to be.

Some would say that I am just an old curmudgeon of a teacher afraid of change. If you believe that, you don’t know much about my teaching career. Few teachers can compile a list of voluntary changes that would compare to mine. I don’t say that arrogantly, only to make a point. I am not afraid to change and I am not fearful of things that are new. But I am opposed to change if I don’t believe it will make things better. I don’t believe in change simply because a PhD making money writing books and hitting the lecture circuit, tells me it is good. I certainly don’t believe in change because of the expert opinions of politicians or billionaires. I don’t even have confidence in the change because the NEA or WEA or any other union brokered a deal and endorses it – the green in their pockets is not any different from the green in the pockets of politicians. Unfortunately it is the talking heads like these that are steering the ship. Teachers are just the oarsmen in the belly of the boat.

So I am taking a leap into the unknown, leaving the traditional classroom for a virtual one with Columbia Virtual Academy. Instead of four classes of one teacher with 25-30 students, I will have 40-45 virtual classes of one-on-one. No doubt there will still be issues, after all the government still writes the checks and dictates the rules, but many of the maddening, micromanaging, directives will no longer apply. The systems will change, if nothing else, simply because the environment is drastically different. Certainly they will not be perfect, but I am absolutely certain they will be more aligned to what I believe. I am confident that I will be less micromanaged and have more of a voice, just by the nature of the job and the structure of the organization. I was pursued and hired, in part, because my 31 years of teaching was seen as a benefit rather than a handicap, and I already have a sense that my voice will be heard instead of minimized and ignored.

I know there will be problems. I know I will have struggles. I know I have a great deal to learn. I know I will need to make some changes. The adjustments will be plentiful. But I don’t have a problem buying into these. I believe in the alternative form of education that CVA offers and I will be learning things that matter, that fit me and my personality as a teacher. That is worth far more than the small pay cut I will take to make the switch. My job has never been about the money anyway, it has always been about doing what I feel gifted to do, with as much integrity as possible, in the place where I can be the most effective and make the most difference. That place is now Columbia Virtual Academy. Praise God for an opportunity and change that I can embrace – may he grant me what I need to do my very best for the sake of CVA and my new students!