A Psalm of Lament

Near the end of my Old Testament Theology class, after talking about laments in scripture, my professor talked about the exercise of writing our own psalm of lament when we feel like crying out to God. I've been there for quite awhile, so I thought I would start writing to see what happened. It didn't solve anything, but it was kind of therapeutic and I find myself returning to these words when I pray to God. It may not resonate with many, but I thought I would share what came out.

My Lament

O God my Lord

Why does your presence elude me?

Why is your face hidden from me?

When I step to the right, you move to the left

When I move to the left, you step to the right

When I follow your path

I find only your footprints

I climbed to the top of a mountain to find you

I stood in the cleft of the rock

And I waited for you in silence

But I was overwhelmed by the rushing wind

I felt the thunder of the mountain

And heard the shaking of the ground beneath my feet

But you, my Lord, did not come

With the weight of stone tablets burdened on my back

I entered a house of worship

I listened for your voice in the songs of your people

I searched for your words from the man of God

But your voice escaped my ears

Your words fell to the ground

My legs buckled under the weight and I fell to my knees

But you did not lift me up

Why my God do you hide from me?

Why do you allow me to stumble in the dark?

Why do you place walls in front of me

And take pleasure in the stubbing of my toe?

Why do you delight in my aimlessness?

Why do you find joy in running from me?

My heart is heavy

My spirit is weak

My mind torments me and keeps me from sleep

Before the sun rises, I watch and wonder where you are

Before the light of day has warmed my face

I listen and wonder what you are saying

Oh God, my Lord

Give me eyes to see

Give me ears to hear

I know when I can’t find you, you are still there

I know, but I am blind

I know, but I am deaf

 What I know is not enough

In the halls of learning you are pushed aside

Where your name is proclaimed, your glory is hidden

In the pages of books, learned men proclaim their wisdom

In their words they claim you for their own

But their wisdom is hollow and their words fall empty to the floor

And I still cannot find you

The noise of the world continues to hide your voice

Oh God, my Lord

When will you let me find you?

When will you allow me to hear your voice?

When will you allow me to feel your presence?

When will your silence overwhelm the noise of my heart

And your stillness calm my restless mind?

Where must I go to escape the dark?

Where can I walk to share your steps?

I am lost in much

I am alone with many

I long for little

My soul craves peace

I ache to find my place with you

Deliver me, oh God, from myself

Have mercy on me in the midst of my confusion

Grant to me a word from your lips

Grant me a vision to light my path

May my years not be wasted

May my wandering not be in vain

In the dark, I know you are there

You are on the mountain

You are there in the valley

Your words will rise from the ground

And your voice will pierce the hearts of the learned

Your song will sweeten the day when the sun rises

Your warmth will be better than the sun’s

I long for that day

I stand my ground in anticipation

One day all will be still

The wind will stop, and I will hear your voice in the silence

I will step where you step

I will hear what you hear

I will see what you see

And I will know that you are God

And I will let you be my Lord