God Calling

God called me on the phone last night - not my cell phone (that would be weird), my spiritual phone (I was glad I turned the ringer on - I missed his call the day before because I had silenced phone during the church worship service). It was no big deal really, just one of our typical conversations.

"How's it going, Darrell?" 

"I'm doing fine, God. Thanks for asking." 

"Sorry you didn't win the final game in your NCAA basketball bracket!"

"That's ok - I had a pretty good run. I suppose your bracket turned out pretty good?"

"Ya, mine was perfect, again." 

You know - all that normal stuff. 

Mostly he was calling to remind me that tomorrow was Wednesday and Wednesday is trash day. Since my wife is out of town for the week, he thought I might need a few reminders. 

"Don't forget its recycle day, too, so you need to take both cans out to the road. It would be best to do it Wednesday morning, that would be the perfect time."

He had some other things to say, too, just to make sure I was living my week right. 

"You should vacuum Wednesday. Of course I told you to do it today, but since you rebelled against my explicit will, I will give you grace if you do it tomorrow. Don't push it by trying to put it off until Thursday, though. I'm telling you right now, if you want to be in my will, vacuum Wednesday!"

"Okay, God, thanks for your patience. I'll do it tomorrow. Is there a perfect time that I should do it? 

"I'll give you some free-will on that one. How about this - do it while the sun is still shining. I know you, if you wait until late evening you will start negotiating with me for Thursday and I am telling you to vacuum Wednesday. I don't want a bunch of arguing."

"Got it. I'll do it Wednesday morning, or early afternoon... or at least before dinner."

"By the way, don't forget that it is Sandy's birthday on Friday."

"Hey, I am on top of that one. I already got her a present."

"I know. I don't remember you asking if that was what you should get or not. Did you have a problem consulting me on that one? I might have suggested something, you know, a little more spiritual..."

"Oh... right... I guess I forgot. Should I take it back? Should I get something else? Should I go find something at Lifeway? Should I buy her a goat from Partners International?"

"No, no... I'll let it slide this time. I have a lot of grace, you know."

"Thanks, God. Next time I'll talk to you before I make a purchase."

"No you won't!"

"What..."

"I said, 'no you won't!' Just sayin'... Its not like this is the first time you've done something without consulting me and you will do it again. I know these things... so don't act like you won't do it again, because you will. You all do it..."

"Wow... I'm sorry. I guess I can be pretty inconsiderate sometimes, well, a lot of the time... Is there anything else that I need to know for the week?"

"Just make sure you take care of the vacuuming and the garbage. I'll call you tomorrow. Don't do anything until you talk to me. I have plans for you. I'm still working out the details, but I've got plans... And don't touch the laundry! I'll tell you how it should be sorted tomorrow."

"Ok, good! I always get confused doing the laundry."

"I know! That's why I'm saying to wait for me. If you would wait for me more often, you would understand my will for the laundry."

"Ok, God, I'll wait. Thanks for all the help." 

"You're welcome. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Don't forget the garbage and to vacuum!"

"I'm on it! Talk to you tomorrow, God!"

I didn't want to burst God's bubble or anything, but my daughter had already reminded me about the garbage and I was pretty much feeling guilty about the vacuuming before he called. Still, I was glad to hear from him, because I was about to throw some laundry in the washer. It was a close call. I was already out of his will for not doing the vacuuming on Tuesday and for not consulting him on the birthday gift, that would have been a real double-whammy if I had done the laundry wrong too! It is always good to hear from God anyway, even if he tells me something I already know. It's good to know he is going to call tomorrow, too, after-all, I wouldn't want to make some rash decision and be out of his will again.