Soul Refreshing

Shortly after we left for our vacation, I received a text from a good friend:

“Hope you guys have an awesome time! May it be refreshing to your souls. May your time with God during this trip be sweeter, richer, more vibrant. May that be the thing that stands out when the trip is all over.”

It was a wonderful blessing and a great reminder of what a vacation should be. What greater purpose for a vacation than to enrich my time with God? What better result could there be than to come home from vacation and feel closer to God than when I left? It is a great perspective on vacation - one that I don’t always have when I leave. Too often my focus is just on escape - escape the daily grind, escape the worries of the job, even escape the burdens of church leadership. But my friend reminded me of a much better focus.

When I was in high school I worked for a farmer moving irrigation sprinklers. In some fields I would move 30 to 50 sections of 12 foot pipe, trying to connect and lay them in a straight line. As I attached each section it was important to keep the whole line the same distance from its previous location. If the sections varied too much, especially at the end of the line, the water from the sprinklers would not overlap properly. The longer the line, the harder it was to keep it straight, but the farmer gave me one valuable piece of advice - “Keep your sights on where you are going, not on where you have been.” At the opposite end of the field was usually a bright orange jug hanging from the fence that was the target. After each section was laid down I would look down the line of pipe to make sure it was headed for the jug. Of course I didn’t always remember the advice and sometimes I would catch myself looking back at my line, trying to straighten what I had done. It was amazing how that never worked. Invariably I made things worse when I tried to straighten the line behind me. I might make sections of the pipes straighter, but my line would be pointing in the wrong direction, off line from the jug. When I kept my focus on the jug at the other end, the line of pipe might not be perfectly straight, but it always ended up where it needed to be. 

It is a life lesson that I need to be reminded of often, even on vacation. I have a tendency to look at what I am trying to leave behind, instead of what I am trying to move towards. My line my not always be perfectly straight when I keep looking ahead, but at least I end up in the right place. It is such a simple idea, but one that seems so easy to forget. So, on this vacation, I am trying to set my sights on drawing closer to God, because it is always better to focus on who you want to move towards rather than on what are trying to leave behind. 

Thank you, friend, for the reminder!

What I (Re-)Learned From My 25th Year of Teaching...

That I Should Have Never Forgotten 

(Part 3)

I love to teach, but sometimes I hate my job.

When I am in teaching mode - when I am actually teaching - I am in a happy place. It doesn't really matter what I am teaching, I just genuinely love to teach. I love teaching math, computer applications, science, the Bible, - I love just teaching about life and what I have learned. I love engaging people in conversations that are thought provoking and challenging and I love learning from those kinds of conversations. In fact, I have found that the process of teaching often requires a fair amount of learning. And I love learning.

After four years of college I still hadn't graduated and thought I should decide what to do with my life so I could finish school and move on. I wasn't really in a hurry because, despite some horrific years at Washington State University, I had grown to love learning - I really didn't want school to end. As I was talking about life and my future and my desire to do something meaningful, to a friend who had become my mentor, he made an acute observation. He said, "You should be a teacher. The best teachers are people who love learning and are never done learning. I think that describes you." It would probably be arrogant to say that I am among the best teachers, but I believe my love for learning and my love for sharing what I have learned, has helped to make me a good teacher.

So it would seem I am in the perfect job. I teach for a living, right? Well, not exactly... 

As the years have passed teaching has become less and less about teaching. More and more we are asked to be assessment coordinators and data analysts. We are strategists, consultants and form fillers. We check boxes, jump through hoops, rewrite standards, and meet together to talk about it all and celebrate all the check marks. The union asks us to be letter writers and lobbyists. Experts tell us all to be the same and the politicians tell us all our kids should be the same. Administrators tell us to set goals, but be sure they are the right goals, said in the right way, so we can show the world how great we are for meeting our goals. And all of this really isn't teaching.

I spend too much of my time on my job, checking off boxes, attending meetings, recording and analyzing numbers, administrating assessments, discussing school issues, and having release days to appease someone else's list of achievements. But when I am able to escape all that and apply what I have learned from 25 years of experience and just teach, I love it. I love actually teaching. I hate boxes and hoops and data and giving assessments, but I love to teach. 

This last year I found myself, often, frustrated by my job, but late in the year I was on a roll with quadratic functions in my Algebra class. The kids were tracking with me, laughing at my poor attempts at humor (when 8th graders can laugh in the midst of quadratics, you know you are on a roll), moaning when things got hard (but then digging in anyway) and it hit me - this is the part of my job that keeps me going. This is when I have fun. This is what I am supposed to be doing.

If I could be a teacher who only had to worry about teaching, I would love my job! The rest of the job is not likely going to go away soon, though, so I will deal with it the best I can and simply understand that being a teacher is not just about teaching. And I will try to be careful to explain, that sometimes I hate my job, but I always love teaching!

What I (Re-)Learned From My 25th Year of Teaching...

That I Should Have Never Forgotten 

(Part 2)

My ability to teach is a gift.

I believe God has gifted me with an ability to teach. Sometimes I have difficulty acknowledging this, thinking that it seems like an arrogant thing to say. But it seems more arrogant to say that I have not been given the gift and I have figured out how to do it on my own. Seeing the ability to teach as a gift helps me understand two things:

• First, my ability to teach is not something that I have developed myself out of nothing. I have not willed myself into being a good teacher, it is by God’s grace that I have developed my gift to become a good teacher. If I did not start with the gift of teaching, I would be a horrible teacher because I would be totally dependent on developing a talent that I did not have, which seems almost impossible to do.
• Second, I have been given the gift with the expectation that I will do something good with the gift. Gifts of talents are different than other gifts (like new clothes or flowers or fruitcake), in that there is an expectation to use the gift to glorify God. The gift is not for my pleasure, it is my tool to be used for God’s pleasure. If I choose not to use my gift, than I am dishonoring God. If I refuse to acknowledge the gift that God has given me (which is really a false kind of humility), than I am denying that God has given me a gift and I am insulting God. It is like refusing to open a present, and because I never opened the present I say that I never received it. 

So, I realized (again), this year, that God has given me a gift - the ability to teach. I am not delusional enough to believe that he has made me the best teacher, but I also know he gives good gifts and to say I stink at teaching while acknowledging that I have been given the gift of teaching, would be foolishness. God does not give bad gifts. If I stink at teaching it is because I am doing something wrong that is messing up the good gift that God has given. At times, this year, I have messed up the good gift that God has given me. My problem has been two-fold:

• First, I forgot that my ability to teach is a wonderful gift from God. I never denied it, I just didn’t think about it and it didn’t impact me on a practical level. I depended too much on myself and forgot that it is only by God’s grace that I am any good at this at all. When I depended on myself, I failed to involve God in the very thing that he gave me. When I depended on myself, I never did as well as I should have done, I put more pressure on myself than I needed to, and I started to deny my gift. It is a vicious cycle that causes frustration and bitterness and it is only in remembering that teaching is my gift from God, that I can break out of that cycle.
• Second, I forgot that I have been given the gift to bring him glory - it is not for my glory or for the glory of anyone else. Too often I looked for glory for myself and too often I looked for praises from those in more powerful positions than mine. When I did not receive what I hoped for or sometimes felt I deserved, the cycle of frustration and bitterness would continue. But when I use my gift for god’s glory, the praises of others matters less. If I know I am bringing God glory by how I am using my gift, than the criticism is more bearable and the lack of praise or recognition is inconsequential. 

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”
Colossians 3:23-24

I have come to understand that I can teach math to middle school students and bring glory to God at the same time, but not if I do not include God in the process and not if I forget that God has given me the gift to teach in the first place. I bring glory to God in my teaching when I understand that teaching is far more than just disseminating facts. I will be a good teacher when my students understand that I care about them, not just their ability to do math. Good teachers care and have compassion and are interested in the humanness of their students. And isn’t that how we bring glory to God, by loving those around us, especially those entrusted to our care; those entrusted to us to teach? I don’t need to teach the Bible to bring God glory (although I can certainly do that too), I just need to love those that he has put in my path. Love can be expressed in many ways, and we have all been given gifts by which we can express love. Some do it with hammer and nails, some do it with music, some do it in conversation, or in knitting, or in baking or in medical care. We are all given gifts through which we express God’s love and bring him glory - mine is in teaching. 

May I not forget my gift in year 26 or any year after. I pray that I will use my gift wisely and that there will never be doubt in my students’ minds that their math teacher cares more about them then their ability to do math. 

What I (Re-)Learned From My 25th Year of Teaching...

That I Should Have Never Forgotten 

(Part 1)

I am a teacher because I care about kids, not because I care about test scores

It seems like such a “no-brainer” but it is amazing how easy it is for teachers to lose sight of why they started teaching. I would be hard-pressed to find a teacher that began their teaching career because they had an overwhelming desire to increase test scores. Almost any teacher (at least any good teacher) will say they got into teaching because they care about kids and they want to have a positive influence on their lives. But in the world in which we live today, kids often blur into numbers and check marks in data tables. We classify kids by test scores and diagnostic assessments. We accumulate data and put points on graphs and draw lines to determine the group where a student belongs. We determine whether students are above certain lines or below, their percentile rankings and the number of standards they are “proficient in.” We analyze our data and beat ourselves up over the students’ lack of performance and agonize over how to move student A above the next line and how to get student B above any line and how to increase the number of students above a seemingly arbitrary “proficient” line. All the while we lose sight of the fact that student A and student B are real people with real challenges and complications and real needs that extend beyond getting above level three on the state assessment. 

At times, I lost sight of all that this year. I don’t know yet how many of my students will pass the state assessment (the politicians’ ultimate measure of my success), but I know in my heart that I was not as successful as I could have been, and it has nothing to do with test results, assessment scores, grades or points on a scatter plot. I did not build the kind of relationships with my students that I always hope for. I don’t believe I was a failure, but I did not achieve the level of success that I expect from myself and that I first aspired to when I began this career. At times I lost sight of what was most important and I allowed the data points to block the humanity of my students. At times I spent too much time worrying about curriculum and grades and not enough time worrying about lives. Sometimes I saw numbers when I should have seen faces. And sometimes I simply lacked the courage to let the needs of the students trump the less important mandates of the state and my district bosses. I focussed too much on checking off boxes and jumping through hoops that caused tunnel vision to the academic “needs” of the students, instead of meeting the genuine needs of my students to be encouraged, to feel safe, to be respected, to be listened to, to know that there is an adult at school that cares about who they are, not just about their performance.

I pray that year 26 will be better. I pray that God will grant me wisdom and courage to be the person I believe I should be, regardless of the cost to me, and that I will always be intent on doing what is truly best for my students. I pray that my students will leave my class, every day and at the end of the year, knowing, without question, that I care about them and have their best interest at heart, regardless of what any numbers might say. I pray that I will not need to re-learn this lesson from year 25!

A Story Not About Us

We all want our lives to tell a good story. We all want our story to be remembered. So we post pictures of ourselves on Facebook and Instagram in an effort to convince others (and maybe ourselves) that our story is worth watching. We post about our accomplishments, our adventures, the places we have seen and the things we have done. We post pictures of the mundane and we post pictures that make things look better than they are. We add comments that add drama to our pictures and we post pictures that add flair to our comments. We promote ourselves and we promote our story.

But almost always, in our self absorbed culture, the story is only about ourselves. It is my story, the story about me, that I want to be significant. I want me to be significant. So we promote and embellish our story in hopes that it will be good enough that others will pay attention, enough attention so that we will not be forgotten. And in case you might forget I will do it all again tomorrow.

But there is a better story. It is a story that includes us, but is not about us. We are included in the story, but we are not the story. It is a story about transformation, our transformation. But within the story of us, the attention is drawn to one greater than us. It is a story filled with drama that needs no embellishment. It is a story that involves us, and is better with us, but it does not need us.

In the end, our story should not be one that reflects our self absorption, but rather it should show the beauty of devotion to Christ. It should be our goal that when others see our story, they see beyond us and see Jesus Christ. They should see qualities that inspire them to be, not like us, but like Christ. Our story should be a story of redemption that compels others to respond to the Redeemer.

Too often the story I try to tell is all about me. I want others to know of my accomplishments, my determination, my sacrifice, my intelligence, my talents and, ironically, even my humility. I want others to take notice of me, instead of the one who holds my life in his hands; the one who has made every breath I take possible. I want my life to tell a good story, but more and more I am coming to understand that it should be a story about God’s grace and mercy, about the way He transforms people, of which I am only one of many. Although I show it far too seldom I really want my story to bring glory to God and encourage others to bring glory to Him as well. I want to have a heart that doesn’t care if my name is forgotten as long as the incredible gift that God has given each of us is remembered, and in the end I can hear, “well done, good and faithful servant.”

It is all well and good to hope that our lives tell a good story, but only if our story brings glory to our Creator and our Savior. Our lives can tell a good story without the story being about us.

Wearing Others' Shoes

I was working in the yard the other day when I heard some loud shrieks and sounds of panic coming form the neighbors. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but it seemed to involve a child flailing and screaming after encountering some yellowjackets. I looked and saw the child desperately trying to escape while the parents were trying their best to stay calm and reassure the terrorized child. My initial reaction was to wonder why there was such a commotion, but I had a flashback to similar instances in my own family. I have vivd memories of my own child reacting with the same irrational fear and being frustrated at my inability to quiet the momentary trama. I like logical, rational explanations, but I learned (and relearned often) that a child's fear is impervious to sound reasoning, as well as to all the great parenting that might have come before.

To my own shame I must admit that I am often quick to judge. Had the situation been a bit different I might have wondered to myself why my neighbors didn't do a better job of controlling their child and internally I might have gotten a bit grumpy that my beautiful morning in the yard had been interrupted by such a outburst. But having shared their experience, my annoyance was tempered. Instead of judgement, I immediately felt a bit of compassion (not one of my spiritual gifts), because I understood. The parents actually handled everything quite well and order was restored relatively quickly, probably better than I ever did with my own child. I was reminded, though, how easily I tend to rush to condemn others when I don't understand their situation. My most brutal judgements are most often filled with ignorance and my greatest mercy comes from common understanding.

I can't experience everything that everyone else experiences. As helpful as it would be, I can't "walk a mile" in everyone else's shoes. But I was reminded that I can be slower to judge and quicker to seek clarification and understanding. I can assume the best before believing the worst. It is how I want everyone else to treat me, after-all. There are occasions when I need someone to be brutally honest with me, maybe even tell me when I am doing something wrong, but more often I need someone to be considerate and empathetic. More often I hope to find someone who sees my struggles and failings through a similar lens and common experience. If that is what I want from others, than I should expect it from myself as well.

Fatal Silence

"Elijah went before the people and said, "how long will you waver between two opinions? If the Lord is God, follow him; but if Baal is God, follow him.

"But the people said nothing."

1 Kings 18:21

"I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say, 'Iam rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked."

Revelation 3:15-17


Our silence is often deafening and our silence may cost us our lives.

It is not so much the silence from our mouths, but the silence in our lives. Like the Israelites before the epic battle between Elijah and the prophets of Baal, we would rather wait and see how things play out. If the whole God-thing does quite work out the way we hoped for, at least we will still have the old group of friends to go back to, or a good savings account (or retirement plan) to fall back on, or a good job, or my family... or myself.

With our mouths we profess God as Lord of our lives, but we always seem to have a plan B in our back pocket. We have gods that we are unwilling to part with until we see proof that God is enough. With our mouths we say we will give up everything to follow Christ, but we are quick to add our doubts that Jesus would ever really call us to sacrifice, to let go of gods that have held our focus for so long - surely that is for someone else.

Surely He would not ask me to quit my job, or live on less, or give more than what Dave Ramsey would have me give.
Surely He wouldn't ask me to live in poverty, or in a third world country, or in a different house (especially a smaller house), or away from my family, or in an undesirable neighborhood.
Surely He wouldn't ask me to give up my vacation, or my weekend or my boat, or my car, or my tv, or my smartphone.
Surely he wouldn't want me to take foolish risks with my safety and comfort and security...

And to ourselves we think that these are not gods, and yet we have no intention of letting them go.

The more we assume that we would would never be asked to sacrifice, the more our silent choice rings in the ears of God. We can deny their godship in our lives all we want, but perhaps our inability to let them go is a contradiction. Our empty words of devotion fall from our mouths and collect in a useless pile of rubble - fool's gold for the ignorant who believe that mere words are proof enough.

He knows our deeds and hears our silence.

Searching for a Leader in Education

Our school district is beginning the search for a new superintendent of schools. To gather input, the school board sent our a survey to all staff in the district. I thought I would include one of my responses (slightly modified for this format):

The world of education has become obsessed with collecting, compiling, analyzing, and meeting about data. Kids have become numbers and data points and we have come to see them as “in” or “out” – above the line or below it. We talk about dealing with the whole child but almost every meeting, every initiative, every discussion and every “new” idea is wrapped in data and student scores. I know data is quite fashionable in education right now, but, as happens too often, our pendulum has swung far in one direction to the near exclusion of treating the student as a person. I believe in high standards. I believe in challenging students. I also believe that another meeting, more PLC time, a different assessment tool, another data point or an additional teaching strategy is not going to change the results of a student whose life is in turmoil. I did not get into teaching because I was passionate about data, assessments and moving students from level 2 to level 3. I became a teacher because I earnestly believed that I could have the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of students. I believe that is why most of us went into education, but we have lost sight of that. Our checklists and agendas distract us from what we first thought was most important about education. We give it lip service and then ignore it at every turn.

It would be refreshing to have a leader who is more consumed with understanding students than understanding numbers. Our leader, our superintendent, models, for the rest of us, what is most important. Our superintendent sets agendas and goals and dictates the focus of meetings and collaborative time. Saying that we are all about the whole student is vastly different than demonstrating that we are all about the whole student. It is more than words. I would greatly value a superintendent that understood that, embraced that and encouraged the rest of us to pursue that – above data and above the latest, greatest trend. I desire a courageous leader that will make a stand for the best interest of students and parents, even if that means less stuff to put on a resume, and even if it means bucking what is popular in the world of education and even if it means standing up to teachers or the school board or other staff for the sake of what is right for the community. I would like a superintendent that puts greater weight in common sense than in a PhD. I would like a superintendent that believes staff should have personal integrity beyond the contract language and demonstrates that by the standards of integrity expected amongst staff (including coaches who, for some reason often seem to be excluded from expectations of being role models for honesty, integrity and character). 

In short, I hope for a leader who passionately believes that teaching students means more than increasing test scores - a leader who understands that educators are role models who shape lives, and, as a leader, is compelled to encourage others to live and work that way.

Pray For Us, Not Me

“This, then, is how you should pray:

“Our Father in heaven, 

hallowed by your name,

your kingdom come, 

your will be done,

   on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us today our daily bread.

And forgive us our debts, 

   as we also have forgiven our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation,

   but deliver us from the evil one.”

Matthew 6: 9-13

I have read this prayer hundreds of times, but I have disregarded a subtle, yet important  aspect to Jesus’ instructions. It took this quote in, When the Church Was a Family, to see it:

“Before all things, the Teacher of peace and Master of unity did not wish prayer to be offered individually and privately as one would pray only for himself when he prays. We do not say: ‘My Father, who art in heaven,’ or ‘Give me this day my bread,’ nor does each one ask that only his debt be forgiven him and that he be led not into temptation and that he be delivered from evil for himself alone. Our prayer is public and common, and when we pray we pray not for one but the the whole people, because we, the whole people, are one.”

-- Cyprian of Carthage, North Africa, c. AD 250

I have had this verse memorized since I was a child. I can say the words. I understand the parts. But it has never occurred to me that this prayer is not just a prayer for me. The model prayer is not a prayer for me to pray about me, it is a prayer to pray for my family, my church family, my Christian brothers and sisters. It is incredible how easy it is for us to make the most important of things simply about us individually rather than about us as a group - us as a family. 

This seems like such a simple, subtle idea and yet the ramifications are huge. Jesus taught us to pray, not with the focus on us as individuals, but instead with the focus on us as a group, as a family. Our prayers should be focused on the benefit of the group, not on us as individuals. How easy it is to be selfish, even in our prayers, and not even realize it!

The Gospel Is Not Red, White and Blue

If you listen carefully to some of the rhetoric distributed frequently by Christians, you might be led to believe that capitalism, democracy, independence and patriotism are fundamental principles consistent with Biblical, Christian teaching. Especially amongst “conservatives” there are frequent pleas (even demands) that we express our undying, unwavering, unquestionable loyalty to our country. Independence is often applauded and encourage in the spirit of capitalism as if God himself were commanding us to “pick ourselves up” and “make it” on our own and earn our own way. Our constitution is sometimes talked about as if it is held in as high esteem (sometimes it sounds like it is held even higher) as the Bible (although those that do so have probably read as much of the constitution as they have the Bible, which isn’t much) as if that is proof of the absolute rightness of democracy. 

Unfortunately, none of those ideas seem to have any real basis in scripture as far as I can see. Capitalism, which is built on the idea of consumerism, is in direct contradiction to the more important idea in scripture that we be sacrificial givers and live humbly. By the way, our sacrificial giving is often encouraged to be directed towards the poor and disadvantaged (the Bible does not ever discern between those who are deserving of our compassion and those who are not based on their work ethic or independent spirit). Of course we would not expect the Christians of New Testament times to express patriotism to the Roman government, but neither does Jesus teach us to express loyalty to any government. In fact if patriotism were so important, it seems we would have expected Jesus to do the very thing that the Jews so much wanted him to do - establish a new theocracy with the Jews as the ruling class (I don’t remember him doing that). 

As far as independence, the New Testament church and the teaching of Paul never celebrated independence. In fact we are taught that we are completely dependent on our Creator and He wants us to be dependent on one another. That was the model of the church in Acts, which the church in America is nowhere close to. And it was the church that Jesus and the apostles were most concerned with in their teachings, not the government. Any mention of government is almost incidental, general guidelines about being obedient and to pray for our leaders. If you really looked to the Bible for an example of how a government should be run it would be a theocracy, guided by prophets (not a king). I don’t think that would go over very well today. 

So why do we “Christians” continue to promote capitalism, democracy, independence and patriotism as if they are sacred tenants of the Christian faith? It seems that we are often so blinded by our American culture that we can’t even see the truth of scripture. Then again, part of it may simply be ignorance - it is hard to see the truth of scripture if you don’t read it. Many who have the biggest audience and claim Christian faith (especially in world of politics and political commentary) really have no idea what the Bible says on any of this. They know law and loopholes, but they would be hard-pressed to explain the expectations of the One they claim to follow. If they do read the Bible, they have read it through the red, white and blue lenses of American culture and can’t see beyond their self imposed filter. Unfortunately, many others, who listen to the influential politicians and commentators, consume the propaganda with little thought, rather than reading and studying scripture for themselves (take a lesson from the Bereans).

America is not a bad country, but it is not God’s country either. Our life of privilege and wealth does not make us God’s favored nation any more than it did for Egypt or Babylonia in the Old Testament or the Roman Empire in the New Testament. If we fear the demise of our country because of a lack of military power, or economic strength, or patriotism, or the independent, capitalistic spirit, then we are demonstrating our lack of faith - not faith that God will “save” our country, but faith that whatever happens, God will be pleased when we demonstrate our loyalty to Him and Him alone. Even more, if we believe that the survival of our country is more important than the advancement of the Kingdom of God, then we have made our country an idol.